Failure
by jessara40k
Summary: Part of my 'Handler' universe. When Zack is talking to Sephiroth about Aeris Cloud interrupts with his results from the SOLDIER exam. These seem a bit suspicous so Sephiroth investigates.


"She acts as if she has to protect _me_ and I don't know why." Aeris had broken a date, and Zack had called Sephiroth here instead, but he wasn't going to complain about the short notice, or that all he'd really done so far was watch Zack pace and listen to his complaints; he never had any plans beyond training and he appreciated the trust and friendship that so few people showed him. And Zack would probably ask about him if he was just patient enough, his keeper liked to know all about him, or at least he _had_; Zack had started to give him a bit more privacy recently, and Sephiroth wasn't entirely sure he liked that.

"It's a sign that she loves you. I thought...doesn't everyone want to protect people they love?" Zack certainly did, and in an odd way Hojo seemed to be protective of Sephiroth, even if he had a hard time equating the scientist's behaviour entirely with love. Cloud was protective too, refusing to ask Zack or Sephiroth for much in the way of help because he was worried about how it might affect their reputations and that was 'just' friendship. Zack still looked unhappy, and faintly uncomprehending, so perhaps an example would help.

"I mean, I'm stronger than you are, but you still try to protect me." He'd given up on trying to _stop_ his handler doing that about the same time he'd first managed to interpret Zack's expression well enough to spot the subtle signs of hurt on his face when Sephiroth objected to the younger man's efforts to protect him. He'd been torn between pleasure that he'd _finally_ managed to recognise Zack's emotions from something so subtle, and regret that it was because he'd _hurt_ his friend, but that had been enough to distract Zack from his pain.

"You think it's the same sort of thing when Aeris tries to shut me out to protect me then?" Zack stopped pacing, coming to sit opposite Sephiroth, an expression of pleasure on his face as he turned the possibility around in his head. "She knows I can take care of myself, but she thinks I shouldn't have to?"

"Yes, or she thinks whatever she's protecting you from is something you don't have any real defences against." The way Zack dealt with people for him, or ran interference to keep him away from Hojo and the labs as much as possible. Sephiroth wasn't sure he could think of anything Zack wouldn't have any real defences against, but he was all too aware of the gaps in his understanding of the world. He didn't have to defend his statement though, since the footsteps from the corridor that he'd tuned out in favour of Zack's voice stopped in front of his door, and there was a knock at the door, pulling the younger man's attention from him.

"You should get that." Sephiroth only spoke when Zack looked back at him, almost as if he wanted _permission_ to leave their conversation as it was. That didn't make sense; Zack was the one pushing this line of conversation, but his handler seemed oddly torn between answering the door and ignoring it in favour of Sephiroth. He was reluctant to give up Zack's full attention while he _had_ it, something that was getting increasingly rare recently, but..."Isn't Cloud due to get his results from the SOLDIER Entrance Exam today?"

"Yes. He said he'd come see me when he got his results." Zack strode over to open the door, while Sephiroth froze, hoping Cloud just wouldn't _notice_ him. He'd been really good at avoiding being noticed once, and something in Cloud's knock made him think the news was bad. The blond wouldn't open up to him, not the way he would to Zack, Sephiroth knew that he didn't have the gift for making people trust him that Zack had - and Zack wouldn't have Sephiroth's ulterior motives to hold Cloud close, which was the only thing he knew to help with emotional distress.

"Zack...can I come in?"

"Of course." Sephiroth saw Zack look at Cloud, from head to toe, and he could tell when his handler noticed the sheet of paper crushed in Cloud's hand because he tensed, just slightly. "Want a beer?"

"N-no. I can't. Not n-now. I...I failed. They're throwing me out of the program." And _Sephiroth_ could see that it had broken something in Cloud to be dismissed like that, even though he didn't know what he could do to make Cloud feel better. But Zack almost certainly would, and Sephiroth focused harder on not being noticed, hoping that Cloud's distress would be enough of a distraction that the blond wouldn't realise he had an audience for it.

"It won't be that bad Cloud." The blond didn't protest when Zack hugged him, in fact he buried his face against Zack's shoulder, wrapping his own arms around Zack's waist.

"Yes it will." Cloud lifted his head just enough to speak. "I don't know what I'm going to do now. I _can't_ go back to Nibelheim, I just can't."

"You don't have to." Zack stroked Cloud's back, and Sephiroth _could_ have felt jealous about that if he didn't already know how tactile Zack was with _everyone_ - except for Hojo of course. "The army automatically offers a place to any rejected SOLDIER candidates, and you're allowed to take the Exam again any time it's offered. You're a little young to get into SOLDIER to be honest, you don't have your full growth and I bet you'll get in next year. I'll give you some more training and that'll give you another year to get taller and put on more muscle."

"With how badly I fucked this Exam up? You've already been working with me for three or four hours a week for the last six months, and I still didn't even get close to passing. You shouldn't waste your time on a screw-up like me, and I'm sorry I let you down." Cloud pushed away from Zack, and the SOLDIER let him; that was why Sephiroth wasn't trying to help, he'd have kept hold of Cloud, rather than risk him running off. "I...I'm sorry for bothering you."

"You aren't bothering us Cloud. It was probably just nerves that threw you off this time. You'll do better next year because you know what to expect now." Cloud took another step back at that, looking around almost wildly.

"Us?" Then he looked towards Sephiroth and his eyes widened in shock. "Sir! I-I didn't see you. I-I'm sorry. I shouldn't have disturbed you. I'll just go."

"You don't have to leave." But Cloud almost fled while Sephiroth spoke and he was left holding his hand out to empty air. He lowered his hand and looked at Zack, wondering why his handler hadn't caught Cloud, and kept him there to reassure him, but Zack looked almost relieved. "Zack? Cloud _can't_ have done that badly. I saw how well he was performing while he was training with you."

"The only way I can think of is if he got too nervous, but I didn't think he was prone to that." Zack sat down opposite Sephiroth as he spoke. "Did you?"

"No. I would be surprised if he was nervous enough for it to affect his performance. He was never really nervous when I watched you teaching him, and I make almost everyone nervous." His handlers were almost the only people who didn't get nervous around him, his handlers and some of Hojo's scientists. Even Zack had been a bit wary around Sephiroth at first; he'd started trying to befriend him within a month, but he'd still been wary for the first three months Sephiroth had known him. Cloud was still a bit...hesitant around Sephiroth, but never when he was training, and that had really impressed him, that the cadet could put his nerves aside to focus on his training. "It doesn't make any sense that he'd let nerves affect something so important to him."

"No, when you put it that way it really doesn't. Seph, can you get access to Cloud's results? I didn't like to ask him when he was so upset, but..."

"You want to know, I do as well." And _Zack_ would have to hack the database to get the information while Sephiroth had full access to almost everything that involved the SOLDIER program. "Just let me use your terminal." He stood and moved over to the terminal as he spoke; assuming permission, which strictly speaking he _shouldn't_ have done with his handler, but Zack was generally lenient and outside of bed made a point of treating Sephiroth as a friend - even when they were on duty, although he kept it low key then.

Sephiroth accessed the Exam database without really thinking about it, instead trying to sort out his own feelings regarding Cloud's rejection; he _wanted_ the blond, he was sure that he'd be in control with Cloud, and he'd never had that in a sexual relationship. But Zack had strictly forbidden it while Cloud was still a cadet, in case he thought that he had no choice in the matter, that Sephiroth might damage his prospects if Cloud refused him. He had to admit to himself that Zack did have _some_ grounds for his fears, even if Sephiroth would never want to force anyone into his bed he'd seen how some SOLDIERs acted, how they took advantage of their rank, even if it wasn't anything they could be disciplined for. If there was any chance at all of Cloud still making SOLDIER then Sephiroth knew he wouldn't be allowed to approach him, but Zack _might_ allow it if Cloud would never have a chance to pass the Exams.

Once he got into the database he hesitated, then on a hunch ran a search for special circumstances applicants for the most recent Exams. He didn't want to believe the boy who'd impressed him so much with his determination and courage had earned results as bad as Cloud had claimed; Sephiroth had more confidence in his judgement of fighters than to accept that willingly. And he was right. There were four applicants on the special circumstances list, each with two sets of results, and Cloud's name was the last on the list.

"There's a problem with Cloud's reaction to Mako, that's why he was given false results, to discourage him. It doesn't always work...Richards for instance has been applying every year for the past five years and receiving a freshly generated false set of results every year."

"What do you mean?" This wasn't something Zack had ever wanted to know about before, and Sephiroth twisted to smile at him before turning back to the screen.

"Hojo doesn't like to admit too publicly that his vaunted SOLDIER programme doesn't work for around one in twenty people. So the company create false results so bad they're supposed to scare an applicant off from entering again for the physical section of the Exam." That was the other reason the Mako testing came first, so that applicants didn't _know_ they'd already passed the physicals. He pulled up Cloud's false results as he spoke. "These results were generated by a random number algorithm, so you can see why Cloud was discouraged." He'd ended up with results at the lower end of the spectrum too. And the psych test was fairly close to borderline as well, and he'd be _less_ stable now, after such a blow to his confidence.

"Bahamut's balls, yeah." Zack sounded a bit shocked. "Is that psych test result genuine?"

"Yes, and Cloud wouldn't receive that result anyway. Was it different when you applied?"

"I don't know. I got in, and that's all they told me. Well, they told me what Mako regime I was getting too, and the lab techs always made a point of asking me which regime I was on. What sort of results did Cloud really get anyway?"

"Just let me see. Which Mako regime were you given?" Sephiroth only realised Zack might not want to answer his question after he'd finished speaking, so he quickly added another sentence. "That is if you don't mind telling me."

"Sure, it's not like you can't look it up anyway. I was on regime E, whatever that means."

"That you only needed the lowest doses of Mako for your enhancement." Sephiroth answered absently as he pulled Cloud's _real_ results up, focusing in on the line with his Mako test scores, hissing between his teeth when he realised what they were.

"What Seph? Cloud did as well as we expected, didn't he?"

"Yes, but...usually special circumstances means that an applicant has a _poor_ response to Mako, I thought perhaps it _might_ be borderline high, if he was lucky, something that would change if he put on a bit more muscle. But this...Cloud would have to outmass the two of us put together to qualify for even Mako regime E." And the _rest_ of Cloud's results would have meant he'd be snapped up, _and_ almost guaranteed rapid promotion, if his reaction to Mako was a bit more normal. Still, Sephiroth's eyes kept going back to the outrageous Mako response, and he couldn't help wondering just how much Cloud could be safely enhanced: could he become Sephiroth's equal even though his treatments would be starting so much later than Sephiroth's had?

He shook his head; that would _never_ happen, Hojo would never risk giving Cloud any of the standard treatments, and there wasn't a reason for him to bother designing something specifically for Cloud. And Sephiroth wouldn't _give_ him a reason by bringing Cloud to the scientist's attention either - if Hojo hadn't noticed the blond he wasn't going to hand Cloud over to him as an experimental subject. Sephiroth wouldn't wish that on _anyone_ after his own experience with that, especially since he knew Hojo had needed to keep him alive and healthy.

"We can't do anything for him then, can we?" Zack sounded oddly defeated, and Sephiroth didn't like that - or understand why.

"Except make sure he doesn't have any false hopes. But...I can't think how to tell him that he'll never get into SOLDIER. Do you mind if I shut the terminal down now?" Sephiroth glanced up at Zack, and began closing the database after seeing him nod approval.

"I'll...think about how we can tell Cloud that he doesn't stand a chance of getting into SOLDIER. Come back to the couch when you're finished." Sephiroth could hear Zack moving over to the couch as he worked on the terminal, finally switching the screen off once he was sure the terminal was powering down. He stood and moved over to the couch, debating how he should open the question on his mind, and as he reached Zack he made up his mind, sinking to his knees at his handler's feet.

"Seph...what?" Zack reached down, resting a hand against his cheek to tilt his face up, concern written on his face.

"You said I couldn't ask Cloud if he wanted to have sex with me because he'd probably feel he _had_ to, that he might worry I'd damage his chances of making SOLDIER. And that I wouldn't be able to convince him that wasn't a factor." That had been the one thing that shut Sephiroth's request to be with Cloud down, because even if he _craved_ a chance to be in _control_ of a sexual relationship he would _never_ force someone into it as he'd been forced into all of his relationships to date.

"Yes I did. And?" Obviously Zack didn't see how things had changed.

"If Cloud knows he won't get into SOLDIER, no matter what, then he'll know that I'm not threatening him, subtly or otherwise. If you can have me as well as Aeris then why can't I have Cloud? Please, might I approach him after you've explained the situation to him?"

"What? No!" Zack snatched his hand back, and Sephiroth could see that he was angry about it. "That would be a _bad_ idea. You do that he's going to think you're taking pity on him."

"Not if I tell him that I've wanted him for a while, that I was waiting until he got into SOLDIER to say anything, but now that I know he _won't_ I decided I might as well ask him anyway." Sephiroth was pleading now, and he knew it, but he didn't really care; he _couldn't_ approach Cloud sexually without Zack's permission, and he _wanted_ this. "Please, I'll make it clear that he can refuse, that I'll still give him whatever help I can if he does say no."

"Sephiroth, no. I'm not going to risk it, you _know_ he won't have the confidence to refuse you." He knew that Cloud would let him have control of their relationship, but he was sure Zack was exaggerating there.

"Please. I don't think you're giving him enough credit." Sephiroth lifted a hand towards Zack, only for him to bat it aside.

"Enough! I don't want to hear any more of this." Sephiroth sat back on his heels, watching Zack as he stood up and began pacing. "Gri'tal'la'eck'ti." Sephiroth flinched at the control phrase, even as he felt himself come to attention, with a sharpening of his focus on Zack, ready to imprint on his next words. "You will _not_ approach Cloud Strife as anything but a friend and a subordinate or suggest you would like a sexual relationship with him as long as I'm your handler. Do you understand me?"

"Yes Zack. I understand. Might I leave now sir?" He probably shouldn't have addressed Zack that way, but the word just slipped out, while he was still shaken by the command.

"Y-yes, go on." Zack sounded unhappy, but Sephiroth simply bowed slightly and left in silence.


End file.
